Earlier this year I wrote this post about why I had decided to hire someone to help me with my walking tours. I was emotionally and physically drained and was fast approaching a tipping point. I guess it’s a luxury problem when you grow so fast that you can no longer handle things on your own but I also understand that I am maybe not always the best at sharing my struggles with all of you. I tend to keep things on a positive note and although I’m being 100% sincere in doing that, I do try to look at the glass as being half full rather than empty, it may give you a bit of a skewed image of what actually goes on around here. You don’t see all the nights that the boyfriend goes to bed alone listening to me picking at the keyboard into the night. You also don’t see all the swim meets and band concerts and school recitals where the princess is missing someone in the audience. I’m actually holding back the tears writing this because I feel so guilty every day for neglecting the two people I love the most. Not to mention everyone else.
Of course this is a two way street and I also just see you in your happy holiday mode. I know you all have struggles of your own and until I start that self-help blog I’ve been carrying around in my head for the last ten years it’s completely reasonable that we don’t know these things about one another.
So why am I writing this post? First of all I’m experiencing a bit of a writer’s block because I’ve been so busy lately that there hasn’t been any time left for writing. Writing is something you get good at by actually doing it and like with everything else you get out of practice if you stop. So I thought writing something personal and from the heart was as good of a place as any to start. At least I should know what I’m writing about if I’m writing about myself, right?
Secondly it’s been almost a month now since Ásta started doing the tours with me and although it’s been going better than I could have imagined (it’s so stressful passing your baby to someone else, one of the hardest things I’ve had to do) it’s not without its bumps in the road. Ásta and I are still figuring out the best ways to do things and how to work together. I’m trying not to be a total control freak and she’s probably trying her best not to scream at me when I am.
One of the things I worried about the most when I recruited Ásta was that I would disappoint people by not doing all the tours myself. Tonight someone told me they met a guest who did the tour with Ásta and although they enjoyed it very much they were still disappointed that it hadn’t been me. I get it, you have been reading the blog for so long that you feel you know me. I feel the same way about many of my most dedicated readers and actually feel like I’m the one missing out. The funny thing is that my biggest worry in the beginning was that you would be totally disappointed when you met me in person. I was terrified that you would discover that I’m actually much funnier on paper than in person and, to add insult to injury, completely uncool. Strange how things change.
Even though I understand why this person felt this way, hearing this still feels like a dagger in my (obviously way too vulnerable) heart. I hate it when I disappoint people! Hate it. And my initial reaction was to write a lengthy and appropriately heartfelt post where I would explain how hard all of this has been on me and help you understand why I had to hire her. Hence the dramatic start to this post. An apologetic love letter from a writer to her readers if you will.
But somewhere along the way I changed my mind.
Instead of apologizing I want to ask you to change your perspective a bit. Instead of feeling disappointed about not meeting me, how about thinking about this way: You’ve spent all this time getting to know me, and hopefully I’ve already helped you make your trip to Iceland better in some small way, and now you get to meet someone new that can offer a fresh perspective on being a local in Reykjavík. Ásta has traveled more than I have, she has visited places in Iceland that I have never seen, knows more about the language than I do and she is both nice and super intelligent. Maybe I need to start worrying that you’ll like her more than you like me, now that I think about it. She does get more tips than I ever have! Damn it.
Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes we all benefit at looking at change as something good. This particular change will give me the time I need to rest so I don’t become a some over-worked and bitter version of myself that neither I or you would like to know. I will have time to start checking out things again that you might like and write about them to make sure you don’t miss out on anything when you visit Iceland. It will give me time to develop our tours further and make them even better because having a extra pair of eyes and ears always helps. Plus it’s not like I’m not doing any tours any more. I am doing more than half of them. And this change will also give you a even deeper insight into life in Reykjavík and that, my friend, will make your stay here that much better!
So please don’t be disappointed. Ásta is doing such a great job that people even sometimes think she is me like this Tripadvisor comment from one of her guests proves. I’m not as irreplaceable as I thought (cue panic!).
I hope you know I wouldn’t be offering you anything that I don’t believe in 100% myself. Plus you will probably run into me during your trip to Reykjavík anyway and it only takes a “hi, how are you doing” on the streets to meet me. I may be uncool and (more recently) replacable but I’m usually pretty friendly.